What do I want more – Part 2

At the end of 2019 I wrote a self-assessment piece around my struggles to really zero in on what I wanted at the time.

This one blog is by far my most popular, even 12 months on, it still has the highest hit count.

If you want to revisit it, you can do so by clicking here.

Which brings me to yesterday.

Yesterday I was ready to throw in the towel and quit the whole blogging this altogether. I was ready to shut down the site and discontinue to whole thing.

Why?

If I could narrow it down to just one thing then I would, but I don’t really think the “Why” is important.

We all have times when we have had enough and are ready to quit. For me, it was probably my self-sabotaging ego that got behind the wheel of the bus again.

In all honestly it has done it many times throughout my life and is of no surprise that it tried to do it again now.

I’m my own worse critic, as we all are, so sometimes I end up listening to that critic and believing all the things it has to say.

Naturally, we shouldn’t always listen to our internal critic and never let our ego drive the bus. But this is easier said than done in most cases. It’s even more influenceable when we are just starting out or going through the motions without any great momentum.

So, by trying to talk through the why is helpful on occasions, it can be a compounding effect of many things that leave us feeling that way, so talking through all isn’t always helpful. Sometimes, we need to accept that that is how we are feeling and let it be that.

In some ways, doubting ourselves in inevitable and not necessary a bad thing. I doubt myself nearly every week. Whether it be on my musical side with my drum or guitar playing  or, heaven forbid, if I try to sing!; or on my professional side with making a call that’s probably at the absolute outer limit of my capability; or even with my blogging and social engagement side; it really doesn’t matter what it is, it’s always there.

Sometimes I doubt myself in my ability to cross the street without tripping over in front of everybody……seriously!

Doubting ourselves can often identify areas that we need to improve on and is a crappy, yet completely necessary, component of self-improvement.

Doubting yourself should never be the last thing you do.

Your next step is what matters.

There’s one thing that I do when I feel this way that generally (mostly), prevents me from taking that step and quitting altogether.

This one thing is something we all do, irregardless of how we are feeling, what our day has been like and if we really want to do it or not.

Some people do it more, some do it less.

Some do it earlier each day, some do it later.

Some try to avoid it, and some do it at the drop of hat.

Some even have mental health issues that impact it one way or another.

Guessed what it is yet?

Yes. No. Maybe.

It’s sleep!

Wwwwhhhhaaaatttt!

I know, crazy right, how the fuck does sleep make it any better.

Simple. How many times have you gone to sleep in one mood and woke up in another?

Now, I’ll say it here and now. You may end up waking up the next day with the same desire to quit. It could very possibly happen. At that point the choice is yours. But do both of us a favour and read to the end of this before you do go ahead and quit.

Often, we can get caught up in the mood of the day and all logic can end up getting thrown out the window as shit goes from bad to worse. We can see things in a false light that’s hard to get away from and it really doesn’t matter what anyone else has to say on the matter, it’s all fucked!

I know this because this was me yesterday, and try as they might, those closer to me couldn’t do anything to change my mind or make sense of what was happening. And nor should they, its not them that the issue, its us, pure and simple.

So, I made to internal commitment to sleep on it.

There are no critical decisions made in the heat of the moment, got it!

When I woke up this morning, I had a clear head and a better understanding of where my head was at.

I wasn’t back at the “Lets take over the world” mindset; I’m still now, as I type this, a little hesitant and not absolutely convinced that I want to continue.

Never fear, I will continue, its just some days I don’t really want to. Which is ok, I can manage through those days.

The shift in my mindset has been enough to be able to carry on, kicking and screaming as it were.

So, in this instance a good night’s sleep has worked. But, what if it doesn’t, then what?

Do you just quit?

Do you sleep on it again?

Do you ignore it?

The answer: Its neither of these.

Here is what you do when sleeping on it doesn’t work…..

Ignore all the excuses, reasons and arguments against it in your head and get off your arse and go it one more time.

Don’t do because you must for someone else’s sake. Don’t even do because I’m telling you too.

Do it to remember why you did it in the first place.

For me, I write to get clarity in my head. The fact that others get benefit from it is pure coincidence.

My writing, and music playing, is for me to better myself. I share it just in case someone else needs to hear it (not my singing, no one needs to hear that!)

Most of us start something because we find it beneficial for ourselves and then progress it into something that can help others. Over time we start forgetting why we started in the first place. Things tend to get complicated over time and we can’t see the forest through the trees. In that moment, it is very easy to want to give up.

By getting back to doing something for all the reasons that got us started in the first place can, and often do, remind us of why we liked it in the first place and why, deep down, we still enjoy it.

Sometimes we just need to be reminded of it.

So, in that, lays my last piece of advice. Before you quit, remind yourself of why you started in the first place. Get back to basics and do something just for the hell of it.

You’ll likely find that you get yourself back on track and resume trying to take over the world.

‘til next time……. Cheers!

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