What do I want more?

This simple question has been at the forefront of my thoughts over the last several weeks. From which day is the best day for me to write, to my hateful plucking of my beard. Trying to figure these things out and decide what I want more has led to a whole heap of procrastination and I now feel like I’ve crippled myself.

In simple terms there are key things I do know, for example:

1. I know I don’t want to be doing the same thing in 5 years’ time
2. I know I want to have my own business
3. I know I want to help others improve their life

But, when it comes to the details around these areas, I’ve become a bit lost in the cause. When I started this a little while ago, I was on a mission, I had focus, direction and purpose. But as time has gone on, I’ve found myself losing the traction I once had. And as always, a podcast episode came into my life right on queue.

Recently, I listened to the essential “Ed Mylett Show” and during Ed’s discussion with his guest Aubrey Huff, it hit me. Everything they were talking about regarding losing purpose and identity were points I could directly relate to myself. Granted, my circumstances are nowhere on the level of Audrey’s, after all he is an amazing person. But none the less, I too found myself experiencing the equivalent scenarios.

Since staring on this journey, I found myself searching for my spot in this world. Every time I found something, I would inevitably find that there is already a mass of others who have filled that void and have done it well. I’ve always been afraid of competing with others and my default has been to adapt what I do so its unique (but not necessarily any good). This is where the problems start, I was so consumed about being different to everyone else, caught up in building my content in ways that differed from the rest of the creators out there and so insistent that I could do something that no one else is doing that I absolutely lost my way. I’m now at the point of overcomplicating everything I do and, in the process, forgot about one person. Myself.

I’d forgotten about what makes me who I am, I’d forgotten that I already have my own unique personally and style and forgotten why I was doing this. Except for one area, my professional side and my writing/engagement in my professional “work life”. The level of discussions and engagement I have in my professional life, including my LinkedIn articles (yes, I do those too), has been far in excess of what I’ve experienced on any other medium. Which tells me that who I am and what I have to say isn’t the problem, the problem is how I’m saying it (now I’m getting somewhere!)

Since I started my blog and began building my small following, I’ve worked hard on separating the sides of my life. On one hand I my personal life, on the other my “social media” life and on yet another hand I had my professional life……..starting to see the problem yet. This has slowly led to a whole series of contradictions and internal conflict that’s completely self-induced. I’ve worked so hard on separating all the aspects of my life that I’m neglecting all of them.

So, starting now things are going to change, I don’t need to find who I am or find my identity, because I already have it! I don’t need to change my life or personality to fit into a mould, I don’t need to do any of that crap.

I simply need to be me, and more specifically, the best me that I can. No more procrastination, no more lost cause, it’s time to get on with it.

At the end of the day folks, we can all get stuck with wanting to be someone else, becoming lost and struggling with our identity. life is hard, but it’s even harder if we don’t believe in ourselves. Be the best version of yourself every day, show up, work hard, no matter what you do.

As for me, well I’ve got work to do, that’s all from me today.

‘til next time…..Cheers!