99. Ninety-Nine Problems

Well fuck me, here we are at blog post 99. So, just for the hell of it, here are my Ninety-Nine Problems, welcome to the inside of my head:

  1. 2021 only has 365 days, one shorter than 2020
  2. I still can’t spell to save my life
  3. My need for razor blades continues, despite being bald
  4. If I buy anymore large Star Wars Lego builds, I’ll have nowhere to display them
  5. I’m about halfway through my current Gin supply
  6. I still can’t touch my toes, despite losing the beer gut
  7. My Motorbikes are still not roadworthy
  8. I’m 43 and still haven’t learnt how to adult properly
  9. Togas are yet to make a comeback as business attire
  10. I still can’t sing, not that I’ve been trying to learn.
  11. It’s been a couple of years since I’ve been in hospital, which makes me nervous for next year
  12. I’m yet to properly comprehend the “;”; I never use it right!
  13. I’m still not convinced that thick cut ham and bacon aren’t the same things!
  14. I’m yet to understand what dogs are saying
  15. Is gravy a meat or a vegetable or a grain?
  16. My search continues for a good cigar maker who isn’t Cuban
  17. What is the point of spam comments?
  18. Are you actually reading this?
  19. It baffles me why people put big exhausts on turbo charged diesel engines
  20. At what age does it become a condition of having a bike licence that you must switch from a road bike to a cruiser?
  21. Will I look stupid going to the gym?
  22. Do I run ads on my site in 2021?
  23. What is the shelf life of hot cross buns?
  24. I’ve forgotten what 8 hours solid sleep feels like
  25. When will we get back to seeing live bands in pubs?
  26. I’m losing track of what’s appropriate or not
  27. At what point do I need a bigger telescope?
  28. Why wont my Hops plant grow any higher?
  29. I’m running out of good photos to use for my posts
  30. Do I need to coordinate my blog posts and social media posts?
  31. Is Gin technically juice?
  32. Will I actually get to do beach driving in 2021?
  33. Is it better to persist in trying to grow veggies, or should I try and grow a cow instead?
  34. I think I need to update the theme of my website, but I’m not sure
  35. My procrastination is the only thing slowing me down and the only thing I can’t seem to get rid of.
  36. I used to be funnier, honest!
  37. How have you got this far?
  38. Where will I be at the end of 2021?
  39. Can one drink too much beer in a year?
  40. Should I record my own jingle for my podcast?
  41. Where the fuck am I going to get another 100 plus blog topics from!
  42. Will it ever be possible for me to not swear in a blog post
  43. Fuck no!
  44. Can older people do YouTube without being a laughingstock
  45. When will I properly mourn those I have lost?
  46. What happens if no one subscribes to my mailing list?
  47. How much longer can I blog for?
  48. Is it possible to have too much of an opinion?
  49. Ninety-Nine is a big number
  50. Oh, you still here, well fuck me
  51. Why do people read my stuff?
  52. I’m no good at any of this
  53. Since when did following a simple direction become so fucking hard?
  54. Is the world at risk of running out of coffee beans?
  55. When will Metallica tour Australia again?
  56. Why are there no fat fish?
  57. Will I ever figure out how to do a drum fill and keep the beat going?
  58. Why wont my fingers and legs and hands do as I ask them to do?
  59. When did my inner voices become ventriloquists?
  60. Who the fuck came up with the name Ventriloquist?
  61. Why can I be myself in front of a camera?
  62. How many squeezed limes can you fit into a gin glass?
  63. If the drummer from Def Leppard could drum with one arm, why can’t I drum with two arms?
  64. Why is chocolate either really good or utter shit?
  65. Why can’t I catch any fish, does my bait taste funny?
  66. I reckon if the Devil was real, I reckon we’d be good mates
  67. When will the handshake make a comeback?
  68. How is it I can write without spelling mistakes, by my typing is the opposite?
  69. Yep, they are very nice indeed!
  70. If I have a conversation with myself in my writing, does that make me insane?
  71. I miss the simplicity of teenage life
  72. Never look at yourself in the mirror when having sex, look at your partner, but not yourself!
  73. Do I need to work harder at embarrassing my kids in public?
  74. Will I ever go back to listening to CD’s?
  75. Is it possible to own to many waistcoats?
  76. Mowing lawn on a steep hill is hard?
  77. I hate compromising, but will anyway, as long as there is booze
  78. When will the government do something about the DVA?
  79. Shouldn’t you be off doing something else?
  80. I swear I can feel myself getting older
  81. Cranberries are god, and the band is great too!
  82. I better be marching next Anzac Day or there will be blood……and tears!
  83. Do I really have time to be investing in shares?
  84. Since when did Bunnings become so shit?
  85. Is it possible to mutate from a human into a bear?
  86. What will my next vinyl purchase be?
  87. Is it possible to try and cover the cover of a cover song?
  88. Will Australia ever stop being a federation?
  89. Why is water clear
  90. What colour will my Lap steel be?
  91. How long would my beard grow if I just let it go?
  92. Is there a point to a bowtie if you have a beard?
  93. When will I be able to stop repeating myself?
  94. Is it possible to not sweat like pig the instant it gets hot?
  95. My beard plucking is driving me insane!
  96. Not all my problems are real problems
  97. I struggle to differentiate between problems in my head and real problems
  98. My ego lies to me, a lot.
  99. I may have Ninety-Nine problems, but my wife ain’t one!

‘til next time….. Cheers!

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