Now that the weather is warming up a bit, I’ve decided that on the days that I’m in the office I’m going to try and have lunch in the park near my office. However, the vision I had in my head of what the experience would be like, isn’t exactly aligned with reality as I shall now explain.
The wildlife are thieving arseholes.
Its true, the scheming little shits will steal your lunch just as quick as that bully we all knew in school. They use intimidation tactics, backed up the language gap to do whatever the fuck they want.
I swear, each day I’ve been literally hunted for my fucking sushi rolls. The other day it was some punker lizards and today it was a bin chicken that was full of attitude.
I’m yet to encounter the ducks, seagulls and “potato and gravy birds” (this is a long-time personal joke) as I’ve managed to avoid their turf. But I’m sure they’ll catch up with me one day. It’s only a matter of time.
It’s nosier than a Deep Purple concert.
Ok that’s probably a minor embellishment, but it’s not far off.
The joggers who sound they are impersonating Thomas the tank engine as they run past.
The feral kids that are so loud they manage to even scare the mafia like wildlife.
The water features that sound like they are running at a million PSI.
The events crew that make unloading a truck of plastic chairs sound like a thousand pianos all being dropped at once.
The person who seems to drop things in the bin in such a way as it sounds like a nuke has detonated in there.
The list is endless. Result = FUCK IT’S LOUD!
This seat is taken.
Nearly every seat in the place is taken, and what’s left doesn’t really look like a seat. Instead, it looks like an artist’s impression of a seat. So, between the seats being taken by someone who likes like they are rethinking all their life’s choices and the remaining seats that are right in the middle of the wildlife’s hood, there’s fuck all places to sit.
Sure, I could sit on the grass, but who wants to have grass stains on their arse for the rest of the day, not me that’s for damn sure.
Sure, there’s upsides.
The scenery is lovely, the variety of colour really does cheer me up… until someone drops something in the bin!
You can get a good walk in. This is for several reasons: 1. Is to outrun the wildlife before they nick your lunch and; 2. There’s nowhere to fucking sit.
You can find a quite place if you really try, I did for a few minutes at the end of my lunch break. Where you ask? Back at my desk in my office!
You see many interesting things. Much of it is a train wreck waiting to happen, but I’s interesting none the less.
In the end, the experience is in stark contrast to what one would expect, but that is how is it with all things in life, so you might as well get used to it.
I’m sure there’s better options out there, I just need to find them as I really want to persevere with trying to have my lunch at a park.
‘til next time….. Cheers!